Follow-up on Chronic Illness and Prayer

[[Dear Sister Laurel, thank you for  your post on chronic illness and eremitical life. I liked lots of it but especially I was touched by your comment on remembering the difference between praying all the prayers and praying always! You have described a situation in which someone learns to pray their whole lives even when they can't pray particular prayers! I presume you are not saying, though, that folks can let go of specific prayer periods altogether. You clearly do not mean this because you describe maintaining prayer periods in spite of difficulties. I wondered if you find it difficult to change the way you pray during times of more acute illness? I never quite know what to do with prayer as I transition from wellness to illness and back again. Are these changes hard for you as well? Where does the idea of praying always come into all of this for you?]]

First, you are correct that I don't ever suggest folks let go of discrete prayer periods. That is simply the quickest route to never praying at all --- or, at best, to settling for a superficial prayer life which is made up of casual "conversations" with God or asking God to take care of our needs when we become aware of them. Like any quality relationship we need to spend time allowing God access to  our hearts and minds. Omitting dedicated prayer while learning to "pray always" is like expecting to become a skilled violinist without ever using  specific and regular periods of practice!  Over time, as we learn to pray in season and out in a variety of ways, prayer becomes our usual way of approaching and apprehending reality, our usual way of opening ourselves to the world around us and its Creator God. As this attitude of obedience develops in us, as we grow more open, responsive, and loving to everything and everyone in Christ, we become God's own prayer in our world. I believe this is what the NT refers to as "praying always."

When illness prevents us from praying a discrete prayer period: the Office, quiet prayer, lectio divina, etc.,  our capacity for genuine obedience and perceiving the holiness of everything in our world can allow us to pray our illness  --- indeed to making of our suffering but also our forced quiet a Prayer motivated and empowered by the Spirit of God within us. What is essential, however, is that we live a regular life of prayer apart from our illness and also that even within our illness, to whatever extent we are able, we continue with discrete periods of prayer no matter how abbreviated or differently formatted. I am not speaking here of making everything we do into "prayer" by a simple change of name --- as though calling doing the laundry "prayer" is the same as making it prayer. When it happens that our daily chores or physical work become prayer this is a process of transfiguration where the deepest potential of the chores or work are realized because we have become people of prayer who see and do everything in light of God's own presence and empowering Spirit. I have seen (and I am certain you have too) people calling various dimensions of their life "prayer" while never finding time for prayer itself. Dealing with illness and making it into prayer requires we pray regularly and faithfully long before illness occurs. If the transfiguration I mentioned is to occur, this regular faithful prayer is a prerequisite.

The transition from wellness to illness and the necessary modifications of prayer required in these times is something I found difficult for a long time. Today that is less so and I have found several things to be key to negotiating these transitions. First, I must know what is essential to my own prayer and consider different ways to fill those essential needs.  Secondly, I must be aware of how I more ordinarily resist prayer or distract myself from the things prayer brings up within my life so I can be sure I am not unconsciously sliding into these kinds of things.  Thirdly, I need to have a strong trust in the God who prays within me and be able to be comfortable with my own weakness in this matter. The corollary here is that I must be able to discern the presence and activity of God within myself and be comfortable with acquiescing to that when I am well. The fourth element in transitioning is that I have a repertoire of prayer forms and resources which can be available to me when circumstances change. When I trust God to work within me no matter the situation and have ways to open myself to that activity negotiating transitions in prayer made necessary by illness is more easily accomplished.

Your own director (if you work with someone) can assist you in all of this, of course. If  you are not used to the changes required in prayer by illness one of the things a director can do is to encourage you that learning to pray in different circumstances is just a natural thing we all have to negotiate. Sometimes people think they should be able to pray the same way they usually do and they can beat up on themselves when this is not possible. The same thing can happen when people don't feel like praying at all. It is at these times that being able to turn everything, every concern and yearning over to God (including one's resistance or lack of desire re prayer) is helpful. If one truly prays regularly in response to the Holy Spirit, then in difficult times one can simply ask God to accompany one in whatever it is one feels well enough to do (here is where reading  novels, coloring, doing a jigsaw puzzle, etc) --- but also when one feels entirely incapable; thus these can become explicit periods of prayer and also nurture an approach to living which is really "praying always".

For me the idea of "praying always" is about being an ongoing or continuing response to the Holy Spirit; it is about being responsive to God's presence and allowing the Spirit to move and empower me in all of the moments and moods of life; I understand it as being/becoming the embodiment of the Word of God so that God speaks/sings in and through me and I am truly the image of God's glory. What this  means is that at times when I cannot pray explicitly I can trust God to be with me and I can trust that my own heart is still attentive to God and open to allowing God to be present in and through me. Paul understood the human person as a Temple or image of the glory of God. Even in the weakness and incapacity of illness we can rest in God and allow God to reside within us. This is a critical dimension of praying always.

I hope this is helpful.