Being a Work in Progress and Having no Regrets

 [[Dear Sister Laurel, I wondered if you have ever said you have devoted your life to canon 603 or wondered about the wisdom of that. I heard that somewhere. It was sort of as though you had wasted your life on a stupid canon law. You wrote not long ago about living as a lay hermit and then renewing your petition to become a consecrated hermit because you believed you had something to bring the Church. Was dedicating your life to c 603 part of that? If someone thinks spending time and energy on a stupid canon law is a waste, what would you say to them?]]

Thanks for your questions. No, I never said I devoted my life to c 603 as canon or felt called to do so. You see, it is not true. Yes, there is no doubt that over time this blog has taken on a focus and that focus is c 603 and the life this made canonical in the Church, but this blog is only one piece of my life, and it is important for whoever made the comments you heard to realize that. For instance, I do spiritual direction regularly, and my daily life is given over to prayer, some study, and Scripture. I also teach Scripture in my parish, and though we only meet once a week, it does take time to prep a class! Additionally, I spend time mentoring candidates for c 603 profession, and while I usually will not work with more than two candidates at a time, it still takes time and requires additional reflection and prayer. Finally, I do some recreational stuff. Since I am not playing violin due to a broken left wrist (not to worry; it happened several years ago now), I am learning to play cello instead and I also color with colored pencils (cf works in progress and completed in this article).

Yes, one focus of my study and reflection is c 603 itself, but I am also reading about consecrated life, discernment and formation of vocations to the consecrated life, and of course, more generally the nature of eremitical life itself. As I have noted before, a small group of c 603 hermits is reading Cornelius Wencel's book Eremitic Life together, and though we have all read it before (sometimes several times!), in looking at it together we are able to explore and share the various ways God has worked in us and called us to this vocation.  We all have different interests, different schedules, different gifts and limitations, but we all are grateful to God for this canon and desire to live it with and for God and for the Church. Having said all that, let me point out something far more important and maybe more pertinent, namely, that in concerning myself with c 603 here and elsewhere, I am concerning myself with lives, eremitical and non-eremitical lives that are precious to God, and to something that has the potential anyway, to positively touch many more people in the years to come, well into the future of the Church.

I had not the slightest inkling that a developing focus of my life would be c 603 itself, nor that I would ever work with and even mentor other c 603 candidates and hermits. I would certainly have told you that you were crazy if you had suggested these things to me. The same is true with virtual lauras. Of course, I had only had email for a few years when I was consecrated. Skype was, at least for me, in the future and ZOOM was in the far future. There was no way to have imagined, much less worked to implement such ideas!! In the days after consecration, Sister Nerina and I tried to form the Network of Diocesan Hermits; we succeeded to some extent, and in some ways, what is happening now is the natural outgrowth of that idea, surprising as that is to me. The reason I renewed my petition with the Diocese of Oakland before Bp John Cummins retired was because I knew I had something to offer the Church both because of disability and giftedness made significantly rich in a contemplative and eremitical context. I also thought this because of my theological education and work in hospital chaplaincy though I was not sure exactly how these would become important in an eremitical life.

Today, I simply marvel at what God is doing in and with my life. That is particularly true of my own personal work in spiritual direction and the way that has allowed God to bring so much together so it all makes a truly awesome sense. I really could not have done this simply with my own planning and energy or disability. And, like the picture to the left, while it is not precisely what I originally envisioned, nor, at various points was I happy with its progress (at other points, I loved what was happening), in the end I was happy with it and think perhaps that will be true when I hand my own life back to God for the final exhaustive and irrevocable time. 

I have not the slightest doubt that God has willed my being c 603, as well as my spending time and energy on it,  possibly even from when I was an infant and long before such a canon was a glimmer in the Church's eye. If someone were to suggest that c 603 is a waste of my life and I should move on to "something more spiritual" or whatever, I suppose (because this is the image that has popped into my mind just now), I would tell them what Harry Potter's "Marauder's map" told Professor Snape in The Prisoner of Azkaban, namely, that they "keep [their] abnormally large nose out of other peoples' business!" In a more Scriptural way, I might remind them not to judge lest they find themselves judged in the process.