Seeking God and Learning to See with New Eyes

[[Hi Sister Laurel, it wasn't until I read your comment on Benedictines entering a community "to seek God" that I realized I had always thought of God as missing somehow, or maybe just remote -- maybe too far away to really be concerned with me. I didn't think of him as absent exactly, but so much of prayer seemed to be calling on God to come and act, so that there was a sense that God was absent and had to be coaxed to come near and do what I prayed for. If God wasn't remote like that then why hadn't he already done whatever we prayed we needed?!  

It was frustrating, and I think that sometimes I failed to pray at all or even to believe in God's caring for me or those I love, because I had learned to pray as though God was distant. It is really different to think of God as right there, dwelling with and in us. But what do I do with the idea of asking God to take care of this or that situation, or to rescue me from whatever I need rescuing from? Does that also have to change? As I thought about everything you wrote, what most hit me was the way the idea of "seeking God" had changed and changes everything else. It is almost like the childhood game, "hide and seek," except that I began to see that God does not hide himself. We just need to find him.]]

Many thanks for your comments and sharing. I love your image of the childhood game; I think it works particularly well for us human beings who would like to believe sometimes that we can hide from God. Let me suggest a different and similar game that works especially well in helping us understand the idea of seeking God in the ways I spoke of in my last post, namely, "find the hidden objects". I am sure you know the game. A room or other setting is filled with all kinds of ordinary and extraordinary stuff, and one has to find the objects being named. They are present in plain sight, but they are also often difficult to spot. We have to learn to see them, learn to stop looking past them, for instance, and recognize them when they show up in the unexpected place,  as an unusual variation, or in a surprising orientation. I think seeking God is a lot like that game. Remember that the Gospels call us to see with new eyes. When our eyes are opened in the ways that occur when we are loved and love as God creates us to be and do, we can begin to see as the Gospels affirm is necessary and appropriate to human beings truly made in the image of God.

At the same time, seeing in this way takes practice, and often the hard work of learning to be attentive to the signs of truth, beauty, goodness, integrity, potential, holiness, and so forth, even or especially in the most ordinary aspects of reality. We learn to let go of and heal older ways of seeing (for instance, ways that are unduly biased, rigid in our expectations, lacking in generosity, or ways that are judgmental and otherwise lacking in love and humanness). We do the same with ourselves as we meet ourselves again and again in our confrontations with others, in prayer, in lectio and the inner work and conversations associated with spiritual direction, etc. The reading of Scripture as we pay attention to the ways Jesus sees and treats others can help us learn to be attentive in the ways we need to be, and these examples encourage us to see others and the whole of God's creation differently than our contemporary consumerist and deeply transactional world often encourages us to do.

You ask specifically about what you should do with a notion of God rescuing us from particular situations, because you have a sense that that, too, has to change. I agree that it does, but some of what you already do will remain the same. The fundamental thing to change is your sense that God is remote from you or may not even care about you. In part, this will mean embracing a God who protects your freedom and God's own, even while He offers to be your God and to embrace you as God's very own.** I can assure you (yes, this is my experience as well as that of Saint Augustine and many many others!) that God is closer to you than you are to yourself, and also that God delights in you, loves you with an everlasting love, wants the very best for you (better than you can ever imagine for yourself), and accompanies you wherever life's journeys take you. As Romans 8 reminds us, nothing whatsoever can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. 

So, by all means, pour out your heart to him; pour it all out to God, no matter how joyous or despairing, how apparently faithful or lacking in trust it is. Be open to becoming aware of God's presence and the fact that you are ultimately not alone in this or in anything at all! Ultimately, the darkness cannot win out; the oppressive silence that seems to mark absurdity and emptiness will become the backdrop for everything that sings God's praises, while tears of pain and the anguish of hopelessness will be transfigured into tears of joy and the consoling solidity of meaningfulness and hope. It is God's presence that changes everything.  If you can be assured of God's presence and practice attentiveness, not living in an idealistic or unrealistic way, but in light of what we are promised because of the fact and truth of Jesus' Resurrection, Ascension, and sending of the Spirit as well, and if you can begin to find God both in the world around you, and in yourself, you will gain greater and greater ability to see clearly with the new (and very generous) eyes God gives and the Gospels call for from us. 

By the way, when I have played the "Find the hidden objects" game, I find that I get really tired and, after a time of intense focus, am unable to see what is right in front of my eyes. I would encourage you to be patient with yourself in this journey of learning to seek God, rest as necessary, take breaks, and turn your mind and heart to something else for a while (recreation is a critical spiritual practice), and then come back to it all again when you are fresh. Just remember to remind yourself that God is there with you in your recreation as well! Welcome him and let him be Emmanuel in this, too! God has waited an eternity for this opportunity to celebrate life with you!! Glorify him! Practice allowing it!!

** Please see other articles here on the nature of authentic human freedom. The Christian sense of this reality is countercultural and thus vastly different from common notions of freedom. 

Seeking God: What does this Mean?

[[Dear Sister Laurel, I wondered what it means in monasticism to say one is "seeking God", I mean it's not like God is actually lost or something! Also one is entering a monastery where one is pretty sure God is present. Why do Benedictines define their lives or, I guess, the purpose of their lives as "seeking God"?]]

LOL! It's a serious question and yes, the phrase is a bit enigmatic isn't it? But you have actually implicitly answered the question in your own lightly poking fun at it. We can imagine someone wandering all over the place in search of God, and of course, we can imagine such a person eventually coming to the monastery to focus and deepen their search precisely because there is good reason to believe God may be found in a privileged way there. But once a search for God is narrowed in this way why would Benedictines define their lives in terms of "seeking God"?

As you say, it is true that God is not lost, but in some ways we and our world certainly are. The person we described earlier is looking for God and is thus simultaneously engaged in seeking her own truest self. She and we are each in search of a life which is meaningful; we are looking for a life that fulfills all the potential we carry (by the grace of God) deep within ourselves, a life that is purposeful and coherent; this is inherently wrapped up with the search for God. We find and embrace our truest selves only to the extent we find and are "found" and embraced by God. To commit to seeking God is to commit to finding, claiming, and thus becoming our truest selves in God; it is to commit to finding our way home to, with, and in God and it is to commit to living this "at-home-ness" wherever we are or go so that our lives are transparent to God's in the same way.

Another way of saying we are seeking God is to say we are seeking the best way possible for us to learn to love, to actually love, and to be loved into wholeness. These goals overlap and are dependent upon one another. Especially we cannot learn to love nor love without being loved; we cannot learn or be empowered to love as exhaustively as we are called to love without allowing ourselves to be loved in an analogous way. For this reason we are called first of all to be those who allow God to be God. Moreover, since God is Love-in-Act, this means allowing God to love us. Cistercian houses are known as "Schools of Love; their Benedictine nature "seeking God" and being a "School of Love" coincide. These two aims are the same.

There are more ways of saying this and other ways of thinking about "seeking God". While, as you say, it is true God is not lost, God is also not obvious to most of us nor can we find God in the way we find the keys we inadvertently left on the table earlier or someone in a game of "hide and seek". We have to understand that this commitment to seeking God is a commitment to allow God to be personally present to us; this in turn means making our very own those ways God is found by and finds us! We will travel all those pathways ordinarily supporting and guiding such a journey and make our own such things as lectio, Scripture study, prayer, journaling, community life, intellectual and physical work, liturgy, silence, solitude, ministry, time outdoors and with nature, etc --- all the privileged ways God speaks Godself to and is heard by human beings. We make these regular, familiar, and beloved parts of our everyday lives and (perhaps too) others which are special to us: music, art, writing, etc.

Gradually we learn to open ourselves to the extraordinary God of the ordinary so that we might walk through our days with the eyes and ears of our minds, hearts, and bodies wide open to the presence of God. We do all we can to cultivate this kind of openness and attentiveness, this kind of obedience to God and to our deepest selves. Remember that the very first line of the Rule is the imperative that we "hearken" or "listen" ("Ausculta!"); this focus on obedience is the key to any search for God; it is also the source and ground of the monastic value of stability, and so, to the Benedictine way of life. After all, obedience is also the way we will allow God to claim us as God's own while stability affirms our trust in the presence of God in all of what we consider "ordinary" reality, but certainly that God exists right here and right now. With each choice we make to hearken and embrace God in this way we also allow God to create the persons we are called to be.

Thanks for the good questions. I hope this is helpful.

Seeking in Solitude: New Monograph on Eremitical Life

There is a new book out focusing on selected forms of Roman Catholic eremitical life which are contributing to the development of eremitical life today. Among these Bernadette McNary-Zak treats Camaldolese, American Carthusian, Cistercian, and Diocesan or canon 603 eremitical life.

While Seeking in Solitude is essentially concerned with documenting important dimensions of the resurgence of the phenomenon of eremitical life since Vatican II and the Revised Code of Canon Law, it does an especially fine job of dealing with the ecclesial dynamic of the eremitical vocation generally and distinguishing eremitical solitude from mere isolation, as well as treating the triple good or triple advantage of the Camaldolese charism. From my own perspective the single significant limitation of the book is the choice of the Hermits of Bethlehem (Paterson) as a typical expression of c 603 life. At the very least it seems to me that McNary-Zak should have noted that this is actually an exceptional case; while lauras which do not rise to the level of religious communities are possible and are assuredly one way of protecting both solitude and communion, canon 603 is meant to protect, nurture, and govern solitary eremitical life; thus it is unfortunate that solitary diocesan hermits were not also treated in a way which balanced the picture given.

One of the later topics covered in the book which may be new to some is that of eremitical space and the conscious structuring of that sacred space which is so central to contemplative life. In this I think McNary-Zak's otherwise intriguing analysis could have benefited from references to urban hermits (whose creative contributions in this regard she, unfortunately, largely passes over in silence); even so this is an important discussion with far reaching implications for contemporary culture and spirituality for which readers will be grateful. Readers of this blog will also find much that is familiar in the book, especially with regard to the way in which the dialectic of freedom and ecclesial responsibility/expectations as well as the synthesis of the ancient and the contemporary are negotiated and faithfully embodied in the life of the Roman Catholic hermit today. I definitely recommend it.