Second Week of "The Sisterhood"

Well, I must say, The Sisterhood continues to surprise in a favorable way. The Sisters themselves continue to be the real deal and the young women who have come for this "come and see" visit (an entirely informal step in a discernment process) are emerging as more than cookie cutter or stereotypical characters --- though in the main they are (unfortunately) very much products of the culture. It is this basic dynamic which seems to me to continue to drive the entire show: women religious live a mature and counter cultural life, one which is essentially generous and other-focused (first on Christ and then all those precious to Christ) and have taken in young women who are self-centered, immature, individualistic (as is our culture), and yet, who seem to desire to give themselves to Christ. The drama involved stems from the clash of these two worlds, and from the Sisters' ministry to those often-wounded women who have come to them purportedly "discerning" religious life.

Tuesday night's program was surprising because most of the women showed some unexpected depth. Both Stacey and Francesca struggled emotionally with the demands of the Sisters' apostolate though Stacey's struggle could be more easily transformed into the quieter and deep empathy and compassion required for pastoral ministry. Francesca has some personal healing to do first. Sister Peter ministered to her and it was refreshing to see her ask for and receive space from the camera persons so she could  deal privately with Francesca's needs. The glimpse into what Sisters do everyday in ministry and the way they live their lives is gratifying; much of what is shown of these things is done merely by implication but evenso I think folks are getting a good sense of what the day in and day out lives of religious are about, even with the great diversity that exists from institute to institute. One of the important lessons in all of this had to do with instruction on "employments" or chores (what many Sisters call "charges"). While Christie is bemoaning the fact that she "showed up and Jesus didn't" (more about that in a moment) the lesson being taught in doing daily tasks is "we expect Sisters to bring Jesus with them into their work!"

Sister Cyril Methodius, O Carm.

Christie's, perhaps sincere, but overly-romanticized and eroticized version of Jesus as flirting Bridegroom or spouse is not serving her well in a situation where one is expected to come to know and live Christ's love in more ordinary ways. It was a bit surprising to hear her suggest that Christ was not present or could not be found here in this convent. Even those Sisters who very specifically resonate with the spousal mysticism of Christ know full well that the everyday experience of Christ's presence and love is more mundane, reveals itself (for instance) in the Words of Scripture or the face of our neighbor rather than in erotically charged experiences like those Christie describes. We know on a profound level rooted in trust that he is present with us right here and right now. One cannot survive on an emotional bond alone nor is a specifically Charismatic prayer life enough to sustain us day in and day out. Neither is it always possible to find a time and place for solitary prayer (keenly aware of the irony now, I say this as one who got in trouble most often in initial formation for "being alone too much"), but when thirty-eight religious women drive a distance to share a last bit of community fun in honor of one's soon-to-occur departure, even a hermit like myself knows it is time to set solitary prayer or journaling aside. Here was one more place Sister Cyril's frustrated, "Get a grip! It's not all about you!" was also appropriate. So was St Teresa's classic observation that God is found amongst the pots and pans, or St Benedict's stress on seeking God in the ordinary.

Claire was definitely the character that got on my last nerve this week. Last week she was commenting on peoples' prayer lives and so forth and I noted that that made me wince, but this week she became more explicitly judgmental and open about what she thought to be her own "superiority" and "greater maturity". When Claire went to Sister Cyril to snitch on others while purportedly not knowing how to "think about" what offended her and couching stuff in the language of concern for these others, I found myself reminded of someone who had been in my own class in initial formation. Passive aggression doesn't work well in religious life and snitching under the pretense of caring is definitely not accepted. In any case Sister Cyril saw clearly what Claire was doing and not only allowed her to go through the process of explaining a highly sexually provocative dance move ("twerking" --- a new word for Cyril and for myself) without rescuing her from the task, but commented that as we grow in holiness we have to be very careful of judgmentalism. Her related comment that we must not allow a matter of conscience to become bias was excellent but I would argue a bit with Cyril on this one and say that when there is true growth in holiness judgmentalism, pretense, and a sense of superiority all go by the wayside; for sure though that doesn't happen right away. In any case, she handled the situation magnificently and folded several important lessons into a series of simple observations that began essentially, "What I think is not important; it is what you think that is important," and again, "Well, what I try to do is. . ."

One of the scenes which was most troubling was watching the girls deal with their tension from the day's exposure to the Sisters' apostolate among the elderly and dying by drinking and acting out. Let me be clear, these girls are not religious or anywhere near being religious. Further, religious do have drinks before dinner or wine with dinner, especially on special occasions, but we do not generally use drinking as an occasion of acting out nor of numbing emotions. This was one of the points made by implication in the program. At the end of the girls' stay at the Carmelite Motherhouse they were surprised by the entire community of Sisters joining them for ice cream at "Holy Cow Ice Cream" and were reminded that Sisters work hard, pray hard, but they also play hard. It is an intense life, but it is also balanced and healthy with prayer at the center of everything; numbing oneself to its challenges or acting out in the ways the girls felt were entirely normal are not a part of it.

Next episode the girls move to another convent with a different congregation of Sisters. I am personally pleased to have gotten a glimpse of these Carmelites and especially pleased at the intelligence and wisdom they showed. Sister Peter was terrific in working with Francesca and explaining about what memory is accessible when serious impairment is present as well. I am also grateful the entire community was protected from disruption during most of their everyday life. No novices or professed Sisters who were not directly engaged with the girls were used in the programming or filmed in their usual activities with the exception of the chapel scenes at the beginning and the end of the girls' stay. (In this regard I must say I felt more than a bit sorry for the novice who was paired in the pew with Christie and might have been distracted by the charismatic praying in tongues (?) and other gestures which Christie insisted on using during adoration.)

Sister Maria Therese, O Carm.

I continue to wonder how typical of young women entering religious life these days these girls are. I know that most would not pass the usual screening procedures and would at least be asked to wait. One cloistered nun said, however, that this is pretty typical of the kinds of girls who show up to the parlor for their initial contact with the community. What comes across very clearly is that the actual formation of a young (or older) woman into a religious or monastic is an intense and lengthy process. There are no short cuts. Here I recall again Sister Maria Therese's comment that she has been a Carmelite for thirty-four years and is "still trying". Transformation into a Religious who truly embodies a particular charism (like that of Teresa of Avila and the Carmelites, Francis and the Franciscans, or Romuald and the Camaldolese) is something that takes real time, commitment, and perseverance --- all of which are countercultural values in a world where relationships are self-serving and do not last, credentials can be bought, and life achievements must occur quickly and easily --- (cf Heald college's typical approach to education here: "Get in, get out, get ahead!").

My general impression at the end of two weeks? Well done Sisters! You are doing us all proud! I wonder if several of you shouldn't be getting a religious  equivalent of purple hearts or medals of valor!? Maybe all contemporary formation personnel should! It is demanding, intense, critically responsible work and this series has given a glimpse of what that means. Interestingly, I think that comes through even as questions remain for me regarding how real these "discerners" truly are; especially I wonder still how strictly cast they are each for a specific "character" approaching religious life and how cooperative each girl is in fostering this vs how truly herself she is being.

Followup, The Sisterhood

 Well, I have to say that so far and much to my own surprise I am relatively impressed with the program. The Sisters are doing just what one would expect of contemporary women religious and we are seeing the clash of worlds that is so much a part of the vocation crisis today. Yet while the drama is, to some extent contrived and stereotypical, and while so much of the hype betrays a woeful lack of understanding of the nature of becoming a Sister (these young women are emphatically NOT Sisters (or nuns)-in-training, nor are they discerning a call to religious life; they are discerning WHETHER to discern a vocation WITH a congregation!!) some of it is quite compelling and important.

The "makeup meltdown" was one of those moments, I thought, because it underscored so much about what religious life seeks to witness to in contrast to "the world" of masks, lack of transparency, insecurity, and the struggle to love self as well as others, etc. In what consists real confidence? How do we let go of our fear of others' judgments, etc. How do we minister to others as those with our own sometimes visible defects, etc? I also thought the way Sister Mark handled the matter was good; she set the standard in a straightforward unequivocal way and pointed out that subsequently they would deal with matters as they came. (I thought her explanation of why the rule re makeup was imposed could have been a lot better and more substantive, but it seemed the pressures of the situation with cameras, Francesca's surprising and emotional response, and the need to keep things simple (as in sound bite accessible) caused her to struggle a bit to find the words.) Meanwhile, Francesca is a physically beautiful young woman; her acne doesn't change that and it certainly doesn't touch her inner beauty. If, in place of a deep insecurity regarding her appearance and the judgment of others, she can take away a sense of a much deeper security rooted in the love of a God who delights in us and calls us "imago dei" just as we are, that alone could make the series worth it.

After a night's sleep (I went to bed immediately after seeing the show which was on late here on the West Coast), what has stayed with me re the Sisterhood are the more positive aspects, and especially the overall dynamic of Sisters' authenticity vs the inauthenticity of so much of the culture which is resistant to or at least relatively naïve of Christ and integral faith in God. (That, by the way, includes inauthenticity framed in terms of certain forms of piety as well.) In this regard I especially liked Marie Therese's comment about traditionalism and concerns with whether or not such persons can pray with and otherwise minister effectively to those who are different than they. In that I think she had her finger on the most neuralgic problem of traditionalism, namely the relative inability of those holding this form of faith to evangelize rather than to proselytize.

I very much disliked the stereotypical approach to entering the convent because one has "trust issues with men". This is such a cliché! But I am also quite sure that many young persons will mistakenly perceive the world of religious life as the undemanding safe haven Eleni did. Certainly versions of this are operative in young adults who, before they have had time to explore anything else, occasionally seek to become hermits! It must be far more prevalent in those seeking to enter life in community. The character (Claire?) pronouncing on the prayer experiences of others or pretending to a theological and experiential sophistication in these matters made me both wince and smile. Hopefully she will outgrow this tendency. Meanwhile, I think Stacey most impressed me as having the potential to become a religious one day because of her (apparent) honesty and maturity. It may have been Sister Maria Therese (turns out it was Sister Cyril) who characterized her as comfortable in her own skin. While the process of this initial "come and see" experience will stretch her, she seems to me to be the only one truly comfortable in her own skin and that is a good place to start in approaching religious life! (If, of course, I can believe anything of what Lifetime is showing me here.)

Of all the characters, I found Christie to be the most obnoxious --- despite (or maybe because of) the fact that I resonate personally with the nuptial or 'Bride of Christ' imagery. Her references to Jesus as some sort of super lover or flirting boyfriend ("Whoa, Jesus, whoa! or, "Jesus is the best boyfriend/lover ever!"), etc,  really grated. (The same is only somewhat less true of Stacey's Surfer Dude Jesus.) Unfortunately, I think these images reflect an insufficiently eschatological, overly romanticized and even eroticized image of spousality in consecrated life which many CV's have naively embraced and witness to today. It is one which most religious have rejected, not because they necessarily reject the entire idea of being spouse of Christ but because the language, imagery, and other trappings which accompanied that iconic identity for so long actually distorted it. But Christie is young and spiritually naïve too; she can and hopefully will outgrow this as her relationship with Christ and her own sexuality (which involves a healthy and mature celibate expression for religious) and capacity for love matures --- unless of course, she is really just an actress  playing a stereotypical part --- who knows? It is unlikely to happen in six weeks though -- even if she is not simply playing a part in a TV show.

So, my overall evaluation of the show? A definite, if restrained, thumbs up and a commitment to watch other episodes to see how this really goes. It has genuine potential --- not least in its capacity to start conversations as folks seek to ask real Sisters and Nuns questions about religious life and the more usual and realistic process of discerning a religious call along with discussions re the difference between 'come and see' periods like this and actual formation. I also think the show thus has the potential to bring Sisters together in bridge-building ways that might not have occurred otherwise! Sisters are watching the show and are open to the conversations it can open up. I hope young people in particular take advantage of the opportunities this creates!

The Sisterhood

Tonight on Lifetime TV a new series begins which purports to be the story of five young women discerning religious life. A number of Sisters and other friends who support Sisters and Nuns from all over the country began a conversation about the program more than a week ago and are now looking forward to seeing the first episode. I think that everyone who has participated in this conversation is at least concerned about the "unreality" of the show and a number are downright cynical. After all, the women "discerning" are really actresses.

But most also see this as a real opportunity to open the world of religious life up to those to whom it is entirely mysterious and allow comments and questions to be fielded by real religious; especially it will be an opportunity to gain more insight into the whole process of discerning a religious vocation --- a process most of us consider lifelong, sacred, and immensely more demanding and complex than most realize. (Sister Marie Therese says in the clip below that she has been trying to be a Carmelite for thirty-four years and has found nothing better so she will keep on trying! Discernment is a matter of listening and prayerfully coming to the best response possible to the humanity to which we are each called. We never cease discerning.) To that end a number of Sisters from various congregations will be participating in chats, tweeting during and after the show, and so forth.

Others of us will be posting blog pieces reviewing the show and contributing to the discussion in that way. If you are interested in some of these possibilities please check out A Nun's Life Ministry for a number of links and opportunities including to #TheSisterhood. An ongoing discussion can be found on Facebook in the I Support Catholic Sisters and Nuns group. A few clips from the show are included below. From my limited experience of Sisters Mark, Marie Therese, and Cyril in these clips, it looks like the show will be reflective of religious life to the limited extent they can make that clear in this format. That is encouraging when other things (e.g., the use of actresses as candidates and the bizarre unreality of "reality" TV) might not be.