[[ Hi Sister, I was wondering if your life changes much during this pandemic? Since you are already a hermit I was thinking you probably were pretty well prepared for all of this.]]
Thanks for your question. I have heard from a number of people calling to check on me or just to talk a while and they have often said something like, "Well, I guess you are used to this"! That was even truer at the beginning of the shelter-in-place requirement. In the beginning I answered, "well, yes and no!" but over time I have come to realize that while my life in Stillsong has not changed much, I have been feeling sort of disoriented. I tried to explain that to someone yesterday and it was clear I failed. So, when I was talking to Sister Susan this afternoon I tried again and I think I was a bit clearer. Let me try to explain it to you because this is the main way my own life has changed in this pandemic.
Often I have written that eremitical solitude is not the same as isolation, that eremitical solitude is a form of community --- unique, absolutely, but community nonetheless. What I have learned during this pandemic is that no matter how solitary my life is within Stillsong, I live this life against the background of a world and community I know and care about and for. When that world changes it affects my life here within the hermitage. One dimension of this is that the world outside Stillsong is an active, bustling world, and those ministering in this world are involved in active ministry. I live my life within this larger situation and context. I understand myself and my vocation within this context and against this backdrop, which includes my parish, diocese, and the Church more universally. And now, that context has changed. Everyone is sheltering-in-place. Active ministry has ceased in most ways. People are unable to live their lives in usual ways. Mass is not being said in ways I can participate in, and on the whole I find it disorienting.
I have known for a long time that my life is not only with God alone, but very much "for the sake of others". Canon 603 says this explicitly when it refers to the "salvation of others". This has meant my solitude has been set against and within a communal background and context. What I was not so aware of is how very pervasive that context has been -- even in a subconscious way. With this pandemic that context has shifted significantly --- and so, it is disorienting. I have no doubt that part of this is due to the concern and even outright fear I have for those I love and care about, but again, this has to do with the communal nature of my solitude, the fact that I have been called to this from the midst of my parish community, for my diocese, for the Church universal. I suspect that most people feel that hermits shut the door on the world around them and carry on their lives without much awareness of that world --- except for limited moments of intercessory prayer. Some hermits do this. Personally I doubt the validity of such an approach in a Christian hermit and certainly in someone living eremitical life in the name of the Church.
The "stricter separation from the world" I am vowed to live defines "the world" as that which is resistant to Christ or which promises fulfillment apart from Christ. The larger world is an integral part of my vocation.
As is true for many religious, and for some much more intensely than for me I think, a life of prayer in the silence of solitude allows me to "hear the anguish of the world" around me. But I also hear the joy of that world. Again, eremitical solitude is a unique form of community and while whole parts of my life are left unchanged, none of it is left untouched or unaffected. At the same time, life here at Stillsong continues as it ordinarily does. I continue to pray, write, study, etc. My relationship with God is fundamental and unchanging in the way God is unchanging and foundational. I think of the Carthusians who see themselves as a still point in an ever-changing world. I look at the cross (which for me and the Carthusians) is THE still point in an ever-changing world. And I reflect that here on Palm Sunday and during Holy Week more generally, we celebrate the events which establish that Still Point.
So, yes, in some ways I was prepared for a time of enforced solitude (as others have described this), especially in the sense of an established regularity (horarium, prayer, study, writing, spiritual direction etc), and already having my life centered in the hermitage itself, but I was not really prepared for a pandemic or the degree of suffering and chaos resulting from that. The way people have stepped up to run errands, to be sure no one is forgotten, to extend resources to those whose health is compromised in some way and must stay in even beyond what the shelter-in-place requires, has also been marvelous and I am very grateful for it; it mitigates but does not obviate the degree of suffering in the world now. Like everyone attempting to learn new ways of working, I am trying to find ways to continue teaching Scripture at my parish (the need for this is even more critical now!), and folks are stepping up to assist in that. I am able to meet with clients via Zoom or Skype (and will likely do class that way as well). At the same time, it is Scripture that is a source of support, encouragement, and consolation to me in this situation.
During this week especially, I am reflecting on the way the entire world changed with the life, death and resurrection of one Man. It took time for the disciples to come to terms first with Jesus' death, and then with his resurrection. It took time for the disciples to begin to hear their Scriptures differently, to recognize the risen Christ in the breaking of the bread, or to begin to move out of their time of seclusion and fear to proclaim the risen Christ and a new world, to write what would eventually become a new set of Scriptures, to build new communities of faith. They too were isolated, disoriented, bereft, terrified, AND they grew into a people of hope, courage, and strength who were capable of speaking boldly their own truth now rooted in a risen Crucified One. I believe the same thing will happen to all of us now suffering from this pandemic. In my own life I know that the truth is rarely either/or; more usually it is paradoxical both/and. So, now I recognize that my own disorientation will co-exist with the more usual stability of my life and reveal more vividly the meaning of eremitical solitude --- not as something that protects me from what is going in in the world around my hermitage, but as a paradoxical witness to my profound participation in the life and hope of this same world.
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