A Safeway shopping trip!

I have written several times here about the nature of  waiting and the difficulty people have with regard to doing so. Well, I just got a reminder regarding new lessons in not just our difficulty in waiting, but the prevalence of our refusal to do so and what seems like a sense that we SHOULD be first in line if we can just  figure out how to beat the poor schmucks who are waiting patiently and trying to create an orderly way of proceeding or, if we can push into the line and simply disregard the puzzled (not to mention irritated) looks others are casting our way! At the same time, at least a couple of people demonstrated a real sense of fairness, personal generosity, and a willingness to accommodate others which was wonderful to see! So, what happened?

Tonight I was at Safeway and for some reasons (probably including the prevalent flu which I also have) there were very few registers open and VERY long lines. There were two philosophies at work among those jockeying to check out: 1) let's find a way to make this work fairly for everyone so we all wait equally, and 2) Give me mine and to hell with anyone else! (Yes, nuns use that kind of language when it accurately describes the situation!) Those of us in the first school figured out that a single line which split off each time a regular register came open worked VERY well for everyone. (The express registers had their own line.) Not only were we able to leave a lane open for those pushing carts through the store still, but we knew who had been there first and it shortened the waiting time for those who were both patient and courteous. Those of us in this school talked to one another, commiserated about being tired, grumpy, fluey or having appointments it looked like we would be late for (or all or none of the above!) and generally were in it together.

Those in the second school were a revelation in impatience, entitlement, discourtesy, and solitary splendor (and no, not the eremitical kind of solitary splendor hermits are called to live!). They fell within a range of ages but the majority seemed younger or were male. I admit if I had been feeling better I might merely have laughed at how assiduously they pretended NOT to have pushed into the lines in front of at least two dozen fellow-shoppers or to be invisible and wholly unrelated to any other person in the store at that point. (Watching some folks look down at something just beyond the point of their own noses for 10 minutes until they got closer to the checkout stand and seized upon a magazine to immerse themselves in instead would ordinarily cause me to at least chuckle to myself. It was reminiscent of kids I have taught who look at the toes of their shoes while saying "No S'ter" or who stand amongst their classmates while "praying", "Please don't notice me S'ter;  O PLEASE don't notice me!!" I admit that had I felt better I would probably have been more amused at the man who was told he belonged at the end of the line, headed that way looking somewhat chastened, and then circled back around and down one of the aisles and up another so he could literally interject his cart in front of the rest of our carts.  I wonder if he lives his life this way. Unfortunately, for several reasons related to my trip around the store while shopping, I suspect he does. There were a number of others who pushed in and seemed to find the floor the most interesting thing they had seen in a long time!! Maybe they really did need my sympathy instead of my partly flu-inspired antipathy.


Meanwhile the cashier I checked out with and whom I know and like asked how I was --- and I, maybe not as convincingly as usually, said, "Excellent!" When she gave me a questioning (and sharply knowing) look I noted, "Well, better than I was 2 minutes ago!" She apologized for the wait and I explained, it was not the line, or the wait. It was the people that had me a bit more grumpy than the flu had made me. (I didn't get ALL that said explicitly unfortunately.) She smiled knowingly at the word "people" and we both felt the mood lighten I think. All I could think of at that point was the Charlie Brown cartoon that says "I love humanity; it's people I can't stand!" and I hoped she wasn't thinking, "Ah, so THAT is why Sister is a hermit!" --- though I think she knows me a little better than that!

So, there were both low AND high points. Some customers actually pulled themselves out of the chaos near the registers and moved to the end of the long single line when they discovered that some of us had been waiting longer than they --- despite the fact this added at least another 10 or 15 minutes to their trip. Another checker who is a friend gave me a careful hug (I resisted because of my "condition") and a "God Bless" as well. I came away feeling good and generally inspired by the majority of folks, but sad for many others. We don't wait well; our culture tells us we shouldn't need to --- instant gratification is the norm and we "deserve" it (WHATEVER it is) after all! But in fact, the really human living we do often happens during the waiting, during the time we see what is right there in front of us right now (no, not the floor --- though I guess that's better than seeing nothing and no one), when we join WITH others and make the best of a difficult situation, when we reaffirm that we are all equals and precious in God's eyes even as we wait to move on alone. Was I grateful I had to wait tonight? No, I wasn't and I failed in charity as well. Am I grateful now? Yes, I think I truly am.