Questions on Spiritual Direction

[[Sister, if a spiritual director offers "companioning", does this mean they are simply offering companionship for the lonely? Would they be offering "in depth" spiritual direction? How about accompaniment? I have heard that term used also. Why is there such a difference in names? Since you do spiritual direction how would you feel about someone writing you to ask for prayer and for advice on or help in discerning what they should write about if they are planning a book? I read some of this recently on another blog but have no way to ask the author these same questions.]]

Thanks for your questions. The discipline and art of spiritual direction goes by a number of names including" direction, companioning, and accompaniment. A less-often used but very valuable term is spiritual midwife. Spiritual direction is often misunderstood because of the word direction: folks believe the director is going to be telling the directee what to do. Really, the term means assistance in discerning the presence and directions the Holy Spirit is taking in one's life. In conversations with a director one learns and is helped to attend and respond to the presence of the Holy Spirit in one's life. There is no such thing as superficial Spiritual Direction and that is true no matter the term used to describe the work. Still, because the term direction can be so misleading many directors today prefer other descriptions of the nature of the work.

The one I prefer is "accompaniment" because one accompanies another on their journey through life with God. If you have ever played in an orchestra or piano where you are asked to accompany a soloist you know a lot of what this word means in spiritual direction as well. In a piece I wrote here a while back I described the relationship between director and directee in terms of accompaniment. Here is a part of that post. One question which raised the notion of accompaniment was the inequality of the relationship and I address that here. Still, it is the idea of accompanying which is most fundamental.

[[While I understand your difficulty with terms here (it is indeed hard to characterize the inequality along with the equality of the relationship without thinking in terms of superior and inferior polarities); but I think we must find ways to do this. The direction relationship is one between persons relating to one another in two different roles. The director and directee are equals in Christ and the director serves Christ and the directee with her time, her commitment, her prayer and her expertise. At the same time, she necessarily sets her own story, desires, and needs aside (including the desire or need for friendship in the usual sense if it exists) for the benefit of the directee and her relationship with Christ. Everything that occurs in SD must serve Christ and his desire to love and be loved by the directee and it must do so in a focused  and self-deferential way. 

While some directees may want the relationship to be more like two violins playing the Bach double together, the work of direction makes the relationship more like that of a solo violin being accompanied in the attempt to play Bach's A minor concerto with passion and integrity. [For those who don't know the Bach Double, in this piece the two violins are incredibly equal voices and are sometimes almost indistinguishable regarding who is first violin and who is second; is is wonderful in this way among many others!] In this situation (the A minor concerto) the accompanist serves both the soloist and composer and/or the composition by stepping back. Her work requires a strong sense of what Bach wrote and what the soloist desires the music to be to reveal that fully. As accompanist she also needs technical virtuosity (and a psychological capacity) of a different kind than required in solo work; she may be a soloist in her own right, but in this situation she is there to facilitate the expression of a kind of union between artist and composer and/or composition. Her role is indispensable but unless she is able to work skillfully as an accompanist rather than someone playing a principal part of a duet, the entire theological dramaturgy will be damaged and the revelation that was meant to occur will be prevented or at least significantly impeded. Most directees come to understand such limitations on the director's part are part and parcel of a significant form of reverence and love. ]] (cf., Spiritual Direction and Mutuality

Companioning, however, has much the same meaning, perhaps with some slightly different connotations or overtones. A spiritual director is a companion to us in our Journey with God in Christ, She listens as we describe what is occurring for and within us, she finds ways to help us bring that to expression, she assists us to discern what God is calling us to and how we should live that out, and she celebrates with us when we are faithful to the God we both serve with our lives. Spiritual direction, though often therapeutic, is not therapy and it does not work like therapy does.

For instance, while transference and counter-transference may occur, they are not used in the way therapy uses and even depends upon them. Instead, they will be pointed out and the directee will work through the problems that led to the transference in the presence of God, just as the director will work through her own --- but in the privacy of her own space and time, and perhaps with a supervisor or her own director. Transference is a central tool in therapy. The therapist is a kind of blank slate to the patient or client upon whom transference can be worked out. The relationship is quite different in spiritual direction, for in direction transference gets in the way of one's relationship with God as well as with direction itself because direction always keeps that specific relationship at the center. Neither is the director to be seen in the way a therapist might by a person in therapy.

In such a relationship and process, companioning is a good description for what happens; one does not tell a directee how to live their life; one accompanies them in their living of it, and especially in their relationship with God. Spiritual direction is a long-term relationship which, while problems will be solved, does not generally focus on problems. Instead it focuses on living and living ever more fully the abundant life which God desires for and offers us at every instant. Both director and directee are focused in the same way on this single all-important reality and relationship. Both will gain from the spiritual direction relationship --- though not in the same way, for it is still not a relationship of absolute equality. Companioning is a good description and, contrary to what you read recently, it certainly is not a kind of glorified "baby-sitting" for the lost or lonely.

My own availability for the kinds of things you describe in your questions is quite limited. Neither of these is spiritual direction. If someone wants advice or is writing a book on eremitical life or some aspect of theology I am fairly expert in, I will find time to discuss the matter with them if I can, or I will refer them to someone who might be able to do this. Anyone is free to ask me for prayer anytime, however. Of course I have the time and will make the time for that. If they have a problem they want to talk with me about, I will make an appointment to meet in whatever way seems helpful in the short term. I simply won't call this spiritual direction nor, despite the intense listening which will be at its heart, will the appointment look like spiritual direction.

Followup Question: Sister, isn't transference inevitable in this kind of work? You don't simply "disallow it" so what does a spiritual director do when faced by transference?

Good question. Transference does occasionally occur, yes. When it does, I don't dismiss it, no. Neither do I dismiss my own counter-transference when it occurs. I am aware of these and when a client reacts in this way I will help them explore it and what triggered it. We will explore when else they have felt this way and in this way they will begin to understand (if they didn't already know this --- often they do) that they are projecting onto me/our relationship something with roots elsewhere. Then I will do whatever is necessary to help affirm the direction relationship in the present.

My job here is to do what I can to keep the client rooted in the present moment and especially in her relationship with God in the present moment; we can and do explore the past but, generally speaking, we do it from a strong rooting in the present. Transference and counter-transference militate against this. (My own countertransference is something I note, hold for later, and then work through as soon as I have the time and space to do that.) My point about transference and direction is not that directors don't work with it at all, but rather, that it is an obstacle to the direction relationship per se and so, generally speaking, we do not use it in the way therapy does.