Also, don't communities have more resources, financial, material, and so forth and the security which would allow you to pray in silence and solitude without concern? I would think there would be more c 603 hermits if these things were provided by the diocese, for example, or if the diocese supplied the land and hermitages for a laura. I guess I don't have a single question here. I can understand why some hermits have chosen lauras that really are communities. It just seems to me that a solitary hermit's vocation is less secure and harder to sustain than a hermit living in a community.]]
Wow! Have you been reading my journals or talking to my director? In fact, I miss many of the things you have mentioned and would like some of the others! I also struggle with some of the insecurities of this vocation, of course, and am open to finding better and better ways to deal with these on an ongoing basis. But, if you had really been reading my journal or talking to my director, what you would also know is that deeper than these things I miss or desire is the sense that canon 603 eremitical life is an incredible gift to the Church and even further, that is is almost miraculous that it exists today. In a Church which, on some levels anyway, distrusts individuality (again, not the same thing as individualism!!), seeks to structure and legislate institutions, and tends to be uncomfortable with the prophetic nature of vocations to the consecrated state of life generally and with hermits more particularly, we have a canon which not only nurtures and governs the solitary consecrated eremitical vocation, but which specifically requires the hermit write and live her own Rule of life and then approves this Rule with a bishop's decree affirming his hope that it will be fruitful for the hermit and the church.
I completely understand why there are so few canon 603 hermits --- and so few bishops who are open to solitary consecrated hermits. We are not supported by the church, we live Rules we must write ourselves after significant (and often long) experiences of lives of prayer and commitment in solitude, and we do not have other hermits around us to support us in our commitment to God under c 603. We provide for ourselves in whatever ways we can do that, take steps to secure our own medical care and futures when old age and illness make living alone dangerous or impossible, and at the same time, represent a profoundly ecclesial vocation committed to ongoing formation (personal growth in holiness), countercultural witness, and the proclamation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We live our contemplative lives for the sake of others and recognize that there are many today who live alone in much the same way we do --- but without the overarching commitment or the sense of meaningfulness, focus, and foundation the c 603 hermit's' lives have. And we do all of this with the relatively casual supervision of our bishops (usually exercised through the oversight and support of delegates who serve as "quasi-superiors"), and the blessing of the Church, but also without her material support. The potential for missteps and distortion (often in the name of structure, order, and security, but also in the name of individualism) is really huge.
And yet, I continue to believe that c 603 is a great gift, both to solitary hermits and to the Church as a whole. In fact, as I reflect on the tendency to make c 603 over into something it was never meant to be (namely, a short cut to profess members of eremitical communities), I become more and more convinced that the way it assures a costly but fragile and vital freedom is a grace of God that looks ever more miraculous to me as the years go by. To be able to live it as I do is a privilege. Yes, there are things I miss and am working to accommodate in some way within this vocation. For instance, my own need for community is real, and that is especially true with regard to other religious who live the same values I do, though they do so as cenobites. My life in a parish does speak to this need for community in significant ways, but not sufficiently, and that means I am working to find ways to associate with other Sisters and Brothers but in a way which enhances or at least certainly does not infringe on my vocation to solitary eremitical life.
Needs associated with chronic illness shift over time and I am finding ways to deal with these so that I am supported in my solitude. But, generally speaking, dealing with seizures and chronic pain alone for the most part, is and will likely remain a part of my own unique solitary vocation. These sharpen the loneliness I sometimes feel, and they absolutely call me to greater rootedness in prayer but also represent an intrinsically penitential dimension of my life. Fortunately, again, I have friends in my parish community and two Sisters who act as both spiritual director and co-delegates for me; in the latter case, even during the COVID lockdown, we have never been out of touch for long and have been able either to correspond or meet regularly via ZOOM. It is a major help and has allowed for an intense focus on ongoing personal formation. Meanwhile, my material needs are taken care of pretty well because I am disabled. In fact, as I said to one of the Sisters I mentioned above just a week and a half ago or so, I have a better library than most Sisters I know (unless they have access to a convent or university library), and other physical needs are also met pretty well. Still, I grant you, my life is not as secure as it might be were I part of a community.
Even so, and most importantly, I have plenty of time for prayer and I live in and towards the silence of solitude. This is truly not a problem for me. While I found the initial months of the lockdown due to COVID a bit disorienting, as a whole the last year has been a very rich one in terms of prayer, lectio, writing, scripture study, personal formation, and limited contacts with others. I would personally like to be able to live alone in the woods, for instance, with its deeper silence and natural sounds, but I couldn't do that anyway due to disability --- not least because I cannot drive myself places. But even so, no, my life does not suffer from a lack of silence, solitude or adequate time and place for prayer and productive work. I do understand and appreciate your concern however. Thanks for that.
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