What Do I do when my Diocese Says "No"?

[[Dear Sister, I believe I am called to be a diocesan hermit. I have lived as a lay hermit for some time, about 8 or 9 years, and have petitioned to be allowed to make vows under canon 603 three times under two different Bishops. However, it seems that my diocese is unwilling to profess me now. They suggest I continue living as a lay hermit. I am terribly disappointed and maybe a little angry too. I know in my heart God is calling me to live as a hermit, and I have consecrated (sic) myself to him, so what do I do now? I have thought about moving to another diocese or waiting for yet another new Bishop but what does God want for me? What you wrote about ecclesial vocations was new to me. I hadn't realized some vocations were discerned by both the person and the church; I thought they were all just approved in some formal way. How can I feel called in my heart but not have the church discern in the same way? If [as your posts say] the church also has a place in "mediating" God's own call to me does this mean I do not have a call to be a diocesan hermit? What if the church is just making a mistake and is not open to having hermits in this diocese? I had better stop here. I want to go on and on but I don't know what to do.]] (redacted slightly)

I understand the disappointment, confusion, and even the anger you are feeling, but also the frustration and flood of questions. What you are experiencing is common in religious life, preparation for priesthood, and with regard to consecrated virginity --- all ecclesial vocations where one's own sense of what God is calling one to may not comport with the sense of those whose task it is to mutually discern and assist the candidate for entrance, profession and/or consecration, and/or ordination. The clash between what one yearns for and what the institutional church discerns is not the will of God can produce terrible anguish and even trauma --- though these days the honesty which obtains between the participants usually minimizes this to some degree. Still, it is never easy to be denied admission to something one badly desires and has come to believe is God's own intention and call. Speaking mainly of c 603 here, it is easy to move in a couple of directions when facing a diocese's refusal to admit one to profession. Both are reactions more than responses and the task before you or anyone in your situation is to move from reaction to response.

First, one may become bitter and reject the church or at least aspects of her theology of consecrated life. One may especially reject the whole notion of ecclesial vocations, that is, the theology that affirms some vocations cannot be discerned by the individual alone, nor may such vocations be self-assumed. We see this sometimes with persons who insist they are consecrated or Roman Catholic hermits when in fact, they are dedicated lay hermits --- in itself a significant vocation when taken with absolute seriousness. In a variation of such an approach one may denigrate the whole idea of canonical standing as a matter of unnecessary and even destructive legal formality, attack canonical hermits generally as arrogant, desiring only "status", reject the place of law in establishing stable relationships to support such vocations, etc. One may say to oneself and others that one never really desired this at all or one may simply distance oneself from one's parish or diocese, for instance. But in such cases it is important to recognize one is really suffering from a serious case of "sour grapes", deal with one's disappointment, embarrassment (because it is embarrassing to be "rejected" or dismissed), and with one's anger more positively in order to truly move on. I don't hear any of this from you, of course, but I want to alert you to the possibility and temptation for it is something that I have seen and heard happen.

A second reaction one may have or way one may go is the immediate rejection of any call to eremitical life at all. This alternative is a little different than the first one, because this conclusion might prove to be valid in time. However, this is not a conclusion one can simply jump to in one's disappointment, frustration, and anger. Instead one would need to discern with a good director whether one has gotten wrong not only the form of eremitical life one is called to at this point in time, but also whether one is perhaps called to something else entirely. In coming to a radical conclusion like this it would also be helpful to speak with diocesan personnel for a more detailed report on their own discernment of your vocation. What were their concerns? Why did they decline to admit you to profession? Did they do so because of personal deficiencies they saw in you, deficiencies in formation and preparation which could be overcome with time, or was their refusal even less personally based? (For instance, if your old and new Bishops were/are closed to diocesan hermits generally that is a very different situation than one where either of them have consecrated diocesan hermits in the past and remain open to doing so again.) These are not necessarily easy questions to ask or to hear the answers to, but they can be indispensable in further discernment.

Your diocese has suggested you continue living as you are so this suggests they do envision you living as a lay hermit. (This is not a form of official discernment or approval of this vocation in your regard, but it is suggestive nonetheless. Had they suggested you get out more, socialize, become more involved in parish activities, etc, it would be a different matter. In such cases the message is that solitude, at least at this point in time, is not particularly healthy for you or that your diocese doubts you have the life experience to live fruitfully in solitude.) Your third option, once you have garnered all the details your diocese can provide, therefore, is to trust your diocese's decision and move forward from here. Assuming they are not simply closed to the canonical vocation generally, they are saying to you that God is not calling you to be a diocesan hermit, however they are also saying that otherwise you are free to live as you feel called to do in your heart.

Especially this means you are free to make private vows (if indeed you personally feel these are truly necessary after spending time reflecting on your baptismal commitment) and dedicate yourself to God in this way. (Only God consecrates and this occurs through the mediation of the Church in perpetual public profession, etc, so this is a dedication of self which is meant to specify your baptismal commitment.) You are free to explore the vocation of the lay hermit and to discover and embrace the value of such a vocation generally, as well as for your own life and community more specifically. You are free, that is, to take the lay vocation in places few take it in the contemporary church or era and to be a pioneer of the same order of the desert Fathers and Mothers in the 3rd and 4th centuries. Even if your diocese is still open to professing (consecrating) you down the line you might want to consider the importance of taking advantage of the various freedoms you have here while discerning what directions you can take them! To the extent you are able, consider your diocese's decision a God given opportunity, not an occasion of deprivation.

Also consider what the diocese's appraisal of your own deficiencies or limitations require of you and find ways to work through these. Once you begin doing this, you are participating in active and creative discernment with God. As I have said here very often, assuming your discernment leads you to affirm an eremitical call, the church and world desperately needs dedicated lay hermits who live their baptismal consecration and identity without pretense, ambiguity, or equivocation. It is true, you will not be a "consecrated Roman Catholic hermit" in such a case, but your life will witness to the redemption that solitude can be for very many struggling and isolated persons in our society and world; further, you will be at liberty to take this in any direction God calls you to do. It seems to me that only after you have taken these steps and lived in this way for some time will you be able to say whether you personally need to approach the diocese once again down the line. Generally, the only time I suggest that moving to a new diocese is a prudent or viable option is when the current diocese is not open to professing anyone as a diocesan hermit. If your diocese has diocesan hermits (or even a single one) --- especially if your new Bishop was responsible for professing them --- then this is probably not the case where you are. You would need to ask to be certain, however.