When We Pray for Healing: God as the Answer to Every Prayer

[[Hi Sister, I have always struggled with the feeling that God is not answering my prayers. I also have seizures, and God has not answered my prayer that they be stopped and healed. When you said "this gift of God's Self is the . . .answer to all prayer," what did you mean?]]

Thanks! I am grateful for your question! I sometimes hope folks will ask about certain things I say, and I often wait for it, or decide to say more later on anyway. Still, when the question I had been hoping for is asked, it is wonderful, so thank you! Also, thanks for sharing a bit about your situation.  My own seizures are medically and surgically intractable, so I think I know what you mean about a prayer for healing. In any case, know that I will hold you in prayer!

Now, about your question. I remember hearing someone explain in a homily, "God always answers our prayers; sometimes he says 'No'!" and at first, I thought that was a really clever answer. Until, that is, I had studied some theology and realized it raised more questions and created more difficulties than it answered or resolved. Over the years of reading theology, I saw several "mainline" approaches to the problem of suffering, and the struggle was always to 1) do justice to the nature and will of God,  2) do justice to the reality of sin, and 3) respond in a truly pastorally sensitive way. It seemed to me that if we were able to do justice to the nature and will of God, the rest would work itself out. I continue to believe that, and now, would add that that often happens in unimaginable ways.

The Nature and Will of God and our Evolving World:

So what is the nature and will of God? We begin with the most foundational thing we can say, namely, God is Love-in-Act. God is the dynamic, eternal act of Loving and everything that comes to be comes to be because of this. God loves without ceasing and wants to create those would be his counterpart. As far as the will of God goes, when we pray, "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven," with what are we concerned? What is the will of God in every situation and circumstance? It can only be one thing and that is that the God who is Eternal and the source and ground of existence, seeks to give Godself to us and love us into wholeness, or, stated somewhat differently, the God whose deepest desire is to be Emmanuel and to transform us and our world with His presence, is allowed to be and do that. This is always and everywhere the will of God. It was the will of God revealed on Golgotha when Jesus, in the face of godless sin and death, which he wholly took on, also remained open (obedient) to God's redeeming the situation and transforming godless reality with his presence. 

Remember, that in our lives, ultimately, the one thing missing to one degree and another is God. Every person is made for union with God, and every person is born subject to estrangement and alienation from God. We are incomplete and threatened by death in all of its forms, large and small. Every illness, every sin, every source of serious anxiety, and every failure to love or to be loved,  every act of inappropriate self-assertion and misguided autonomy, every instance of idolatry in its infinite number of forms, all of these and more, stem from the fact of this estrangement or alienation. Life has lost touch with its source and ground, and that source and ground is God. In Christ, God is about the larger project of reconciling all things to Himself. This constitutes both our ultimate healing and the definitive resolution of the lesser forms of illness and suffering we each encounter. We are perfected or brought to wholeness in God.

If all of reality is estranged or alienated from God, it is important to realize that in the Gospel accounts of Jesus' life and purpose, Jesus' healing ministry was "not enough". Even if Jesus had healed every person he came into contact with in his public ministry, it would never have been enough. After all, these illnesses, etc., were only symptoms of a much deeper and more extensive problem. Thus, what God willed was to be with us, truly and personally present to and for us in every moment and mood of our existence. God willed to reconcile all things to and in Himself. Our openness to letting him be God is the necessary way forward here. We had (and still have) to learn to be obedient (attentive and responsive) as Jesus was obedient, not because God willed Jesus' suffering nor ours (he did not and does not!), but because God willed Jesus' exhaustive integrity, as God's own counterpart here, in the face of our world's brokenness and hostility. 

Learning to be God's Covenantal Partners:

If we could learn to allow God to be Emmanuel (God With Us), if we too could become his counterparts, and never be alone, ultimately never be incomplete, never be without comfort or hope, the suffering that also and inevitably comes our way would lose a great deal of its sting; it could even be made meaningful as something that puts us in touch with our deepest yearnings and thus too, opens us to God's presence which is the source of our yearning in the first place. It is as though we ask for smaller gifts (healing, the easing of certain situations, etc) because we can't see any further than these things allow us to see, and God gives us the greater gift, the ultimately healing and comforting gift of Godself. So now, when I hear the statement, "God always answers our prayers," I complete it with "Yes, He gives us Himself," and, I may note that with this presence, he transforms the entire world even in and sometimes through our woundedness!

Aware that in Christ God has become an eternally present, active, and faithful part of my life, I try to remember that God's purposes are larger than the problems I have and may seek healing for. I try to watch for signs of what God is actually doing with my life, despite and even through my illness and pain. I try to remember that my life is meaningful because of who I am and become with and in God, not what I might have been able to do if my desire for healing itself was met. Then, too, I try to discern what God and I are called to do together in these circumstances. A few of the questions I might raise include: Does his presence transform my suffering even though God does not heal me? Is my healing something that occurs on a deeper level? Am I more compassionate? More courageous? Am I less focused on my own limited vision of things? Have I become more vulnerable and less self-centered? Can I truly say, with St Paul, "O God, your grace is sufficient for me, your power is perfected in weakness"? In other words, have I accommodated myself to God's will, or have I failed in this? Do I watch for the unexpected ways my life can glorify God, or do I only see things in one key?

What is Possible When Healing Doesn't Happen:

In my own life, what became possible sans my own healing, was a theology of chronic illness or disability as vocation, and as a potential eremitical vocation. I have been able to publish some (though not enough) on this, and it has also made possible an approach to eremitical life that broadens the concept of desert existence to include chronic illness and disability. This, in turn, opens the vocation to many who might have been turned away because they could not have met older notions of desert spirituality that required the hermit to live a physically arduous existence. It also contributed to my experiential sense that God did not will Jesus' crucifixion, but rather, God willed Jesus' continuing integrity as he continued a ministry that "spoke truth to the powers and principalities of this world" more than it concerned itself with directly healing every person or illness. 

The point here is that I can consider all of these and more because God has given Himself to me and to this world, not necessarily to heal this specific illness or that particular disability, but instead to help me contribute to his re-creation of the whole world by witnessing to the truth of the Gospel, and reconciling this world to God in Christ. What I know is that God makes our lives abundantly alive and meaningful, even though this side of death, our union with God is imperfect, and we do not have the fullness of life we are called to yet. That God makes his dwelling place with us and  acts with us to minister to his world even in our brokenness and woundedness, is an affirmation of the way God values the whole of our lives. 

When we receive God in our lives, they become a covenantal project we undertake with Him; even illness and disability become potentially sacramental realities that affirm not only that we are made by and for God, but also that we will never be truly alone in anything we undertake, or in any suffering that comes our way. With God, our lives take on a completely new perspective that allows us to make a significant contribution in spite of, and sometimes, even because of illness and disability, not because God said no to our prayers for healing, but because he answered them in the affirmative way he answers every prayer, with the gift of Himself!! 

With this in mind I would encourage you 1) to continue to pour your heart out to God as fully and honestly as you can, and 2) to practice discerning God's presence in all of the ways God comes to you even when that does not involve the healing of your seizure disorder. (In fact, if you focus mainly on healing, you may be less aware of the other ways God is at work in your life.) God will always answer your prayer and he does that by giving Himself to you again and again. Accept him on his own terms, in his own good time (hard as that will sometimes be!), and try to trust that in this, as in everything, God works his will to bring life out of death, good out of evil, and meaning out of meaninglessness or absurdity. Again, know that I hold you in prayer. Thanks for doing the same for me!