Holding Privilege and Humility Together by the Grace of God

[[Dear Sister Laurel, thank you for your response to my questions on ecclesiality. I think I understand that a vocation is ecclesial because it serves the Church in a particular way. I also think I am beginning to understand that the solitude a hermit lives is one that is part of a larger relatedness within the Church. Right? What is a little harder for me to understand is how seeking a certain kind of privilege in the Church can be about humility. I know that when I think of being called to live eremitical life in the name of the Church --- a phrase I got from your blog --- it causes me to feel a little shaky and awed that God might be working this way in MY life. Is this what you mean when you refer to this privilege inspiring humility? I grew up thinking that to be humble meant thinking badly of myself or denigrating myself and thinking of others as superior to me. But you are not talking about humility in that way, are you? Is it possible to think of one's vocation as important and still be humble? ]]

Thanks for writing again! Yes, you are essentially right in what you say of solitude. Also, you have answered your own last question with your description of what happens when you think of being called to live eremitical life in the name of the Church. You say you get shaky and feel awed. I have a friend who gets goosebumps and feels kind of shivery when she recognizes deep truth. I wonder if you aren't having a similar response to this sense of your own vocation?! You don't seem to me to be saying you are full of pride (vainglory) and a sense of being better than others!! You seem to me to be describing exactly the kind of humility divine vocations provoke in us when we realize that God has called us to serve in a particular way, and that way is way beyond anything we thought we were capable of, especially by ourselves! You are aware, it seems to me, of what God is doing in your life and also with your life. I think that is a genuinely humbling experience. 

Actually, I know that is a humbling experience!!! What is a danger to such genuine humility is our own sense of inferiority!! In my own experience, the thing that can especially prevent one from allowing God to work in and through one in a specific way is clinging to the kind of pseudo-humility that is really a form of denigration and an expression of inferiority. (Even worse, it can be great pride masking itself in terms of self-denigration and inferiority!!) What we do when we fall into this kind of pseudo humility is deny the effectiveness of Divine grace. What we do in these times is to tell God that he can't call us in this way, he can't possibly use us to serve him in this way! We are too little or inept or "nothing", or simply too great a sinner to be used for such a role!!! We essentially tell God to look elsewhere, to someone better, or wiser, or cleverer, than we are!! Now that is pride!! Imagine telling God that you can't possibly be both privileged and humble, you can't possibly live a vocation in the name of the Church without becoming all puffed up with pride!!! It's a small step to telling God that no one can be called to serve him in this way and remain humble --- a not-so-subtle way of telling God he's crazy, sin really is victorious over Christ, and to stop calling people to ecclesial vocations!!!

Humility is about being grounded in God. It is a form of loving honesty that reflects the awe (your word!!) occasioned by an awareness of who we are and what we do with and through the grace of God. My own appreciation of the ecclesial nature of this (c 603) vocation grew only as my own capacity for genuine humility grew. I do not necessarily lack humility when I speak of the privilege of living an ecclesial vocation "in the name of the Church". I do, however, lack humility when I am afraid to affirm that God could or has called me (or anyone else) to such a vocation!! I lack humility when I deny what the grace of God has done in Christ, and can therefore do with me in this way!

One feels called by God when one truly feels called to live eremitical life in the name of the Church. Those who are seeking something else will reveal themselves to those doing discernment with them, as has sometimes happened with this and probably every other vocation in the Church. In c 603 vocations, it tends to happen when bishops simply say, "Whom could it hurt? It's an insignificant vocation! It's hidden away so no one will know or be hurt by such dishonesty or by the hermit's own personal problems!" But of course, a lot of people, and the vocations themselves are hurt in this way! Imagine bishops telling people that a vocation lived in the heart of the Church and revealing that heart to the Church, can be filled by anyone at all, even someone who doesn't believe they are called to this! It would be like a heart surgeon replacing a heart valve with paper clips and chewing gum and expecting the heart to stay healthy and the whole organism to live! I have been involved with such a case myself. The person was clear s/he did not feel called to be a hermit, but felt called to "Public profession," in service to a cultural agenda. His/her bishop became complicit in this, and together they denigrated a vocation that is both infinitely meaningful and incredibly fragile. This short-sightedness is also a face of the lack of humility. 

But none of this is what you have described or feared in approaching what may well be your own vocation. Yes, you are seeking to be consecrated in a way that is associated with particular ecclesial privileges. But these privileges are also responsibilities and obligations you accept in and through the grace of God. The hermits who had Bp Remi de Roo as their Bp Protector may have been open to accepting certain religious privileges, but these were men who knew well that such privileges were responsibilities and obligations they lived wholeheartedly for the good of God's People and creation during their years under solemn vows. While I have no idea whether or not they urged Bp Remi to bring this up to Rome, it would be surprising if they believed God would call them to eremitical life without also willing such obligations/privileges. 

As you move forward, I hope you never lose your tendency to feel awe and get shaky as you consider what God and you together are doing with your life! Through the grace of God, it is possible to hold privilege and humility together in a way that edifies the entire People of God!! Please write again. Know I hold you in my prayers, especially in this regard!!